Know your club : Manchester United

Merchandise United is a mediocre club in Madchester which sometimes wins trophies on the account of its incessant cheating. Their stadium at Old Trafford supports upto 76000 glory hunters. The fans take heart and joy from winning The shitty Carling cup. Their stadium is nicknamed the Theatre of Dreams because its fans can only keep dreaming about it becoming the greatest team. Merchandise United will never be the greatest because its headed by the biggest prick known to mankind - Sir Alex Ferguson. This gum-chewing, always-whining, narcissist prick is treated like a divine figure at Old Trafford. In fact, the only difference between Alex Ferguson & God is that God doesnt think he's Alex Ferguson. Alex was awarded the knighthood in '99 so that he could retire for the good of football, but the prickly cunt just wouldnt go out. Sir Alex was in a live-in relation with David Beckham. But then Beckham married Posh, which led to Alex throwing a boot at him, and consequently Alex sold Beckham to a circus. After this, Alex promptly married an unknown by the name of Cristiano Ronaldo. Their relation lasted 6 good years until the circus came again & paid 80M£ for the services of Ronaldo. He also uses a legendary Hair-Drying™ technique so that style icons like Beckham & Ronaldo always look neat on the pitch.
The team chemistry of Manchester United is very strong as they regularly take part in team orgies. Rooney and Ronaldo pair up very competently when left alone in a room. The feminine side of Ronaldo i.e. the only side of Ronaldo very well complements the ferocity of the beast Rooney. Rooney is seen dejected lately because Ronaldo has been sold to a circus. He is finding alternatives with Owen more than willing to be a replacement. Berbatov was touted to be a replacement, but the Bulgarian was too lazy to bend over for Rooney. The team has 'stuck' together through a lot in all times. Hence they named themselves UNITED.


The team :

1. Ed Van magic Sar : Is a character from Lord of the rings. He is mythical. Uses Magic to stop the ball from going into the net
2. Gary Never-well : As brittle as glass. Fractured his cheekbone once, while shaving.
3. Farty Evra : Farts whenever an opposition player comes around. The resulting stench leaves the opposition player gasping for breath.
4. Owen Hardgrease : Has a fetish for having sex in the medical room. Hence, doesnt want to leave the room.
5. Rio Forward-friend : He is a friend of the opposition forwards. Always assists them to score goals.
6. Wheres Brown : When an opposition player breaks down the Right Flank, Everyone has only question in their mind, "Wheres Brown ?"
7. Midget Owen : Not available for the next season because he injured his wrist while signing for United. Friend & companion to Owen Hardgrease on the injury table.
8. Anderfun : The odds of him scoring are 243253 : 1
9. Lame-star Berbatov : Some questions are unanswered. Does god exist ? Is there extraterrestrial life ? Is time travel possible ? Can Berbatov move ?
10. Main Phoney : Now that CR is sold to the circus, responsibility falls on Main's shoulders. Only now will the world discover that he is a phoney.
11. Ryan Pigs : Hates shaving his chest. Eats like a pig.
12. When Foster : Foster son of Alex. Hence, in the team inspite of his shite abilities.
13. Ji Sung Narc : Is a player on drugs. Smuggles drugs in and out of Korea. Sometimes, also plays football.
15. Nemanja Riddick : He is a superhero from the time of Riddick. Destroys any player coming his way.
16. Michael Prick : Looks like a footballer, Dresses like a footballer, Doesnt play like one.
17. Luis Nani : Wanna be Ronaldo, But cant dive or whine. He's got grass on his head instead of hair.
18. Foul Scholes : Given the responsibility to take out the oppositions most dangerous player by a dangerous tackle.
19. Danny Sell-Back : So shite that United are looking for the club which conned them into buying him
22. John O'Sheesh : Brought as a part of the "Bring a bum to work" day
24. Darren Stretcher : Primarily used for carrying the stretchers around. Also used as a player if everyone else is injured
41. Federico Macheda : An Italian kid. Is still in preschool. Loves playing football in the garden with his sister.

Macheda in the garden with his sister

New signings :

Obertan : No one had heard his name in the world, or even France, or even his locality for that matter. But just because United have signed him, He's the next big thing.
Antonio Valencia : Bought for a pack of crisps & a couple of pencils. Overpriced.

Know your club : Arsenal

Arsenal FC are a French club who ply their trade in England for some unknown reason. Some say that there is a conspiracy to overtake England by populating it with French footballers. Arsenal are managed by the French Cunt Arsene Whine-ger who has a permenant frown etched on his face. They are permenantly under the shadow of Merchandise United. Primarily, they are a profit making organization where they bring in players worth less than the average income of a beggar in Albania and sell them at more than 10M£. To know more about the origins of these players, refer to the worst 10 countries in the world in Google. No one knows where the profit goes, because they dont buy any players above 3.15£, but it is widely rumored that the money is used to service Arsene's cunt. Arsene is a paedophile who promises young kids money in exchange for their services both on & off the pitch. As a result, young Kieran Gibbs broke down in a Arse-Anal v/s Merchandise United match due to the swelling in his arse. The requirements to be a player at Arsenal is to be under the age of 9, disability to speak English, sinister looking, unable to play football and possessing a great arse for the manager's use. They love passing the ball and as a general rule, have to complete 23432 passes before shooting. The snoring of the fans is the only sound that comes out of Emirates.



Some of the players that play for Arsenal FC are :

1. Manuel Al-Qaida - A Spanish terrorist in hiding. Seen more often dying his hair to escape Police, than in goal
2. Abu baby - Isnt a footballer. Simply isnt
3. Carry Lasagna - Always carries lasagna which once dropped onto his head and hence resulted in his current hairstyle
4. Cesc Fragilas - A fragile & vulnerable overrated female who can pass the ball once in a while
7. Tomas Sicky - Hes so out of action, that no one even remembers him anymore
8. Samir Nazi - Is a german in disguise from the past. Has travelled through time which can be seen through his hairstyle
9. Eduardo Da Wheelie - Always found in a wheelchair. Even when playing
10. William Jealous - This dumb,bald, hand-balling, team-disrupting, somewhat defending, money-obsessed Motherfucker is jealous that Arsene prefers Cesc to him.
11. Raping Van Persie - Admitted to being gay. Has a serious crush on Fabregas, but then who in Arsenal doesnt ?
14. Three-o Smallcot - Scored a hat-trick for England. Has done nothing since. Everyone but Theo & Arsene have realized that he is shite.
16. Aaron Ramsey - Chose Arsenal over other clubs. Both Arsenal & Ramsey are still regretting the transfer
17. Alexander Wrong - One was Alexander the great & the other was a fag at Arsenal
18. Milky Sil-Jester - Brought in as a clown to amuse the opposition forwards
19. Jack 'Wanna-be-Giggs' Wilshere - A player, waiting to be sold, once developed
22. Gay Cliche - Did it regularly with Eboue. Until he sadly discovered that Eboue wasnt a man
23. Angry Arshavin - Wanted to play for Barcelona. Ended up playin for the poor man's Barca.
26. Dickless Bendtner - A famous party joke
27. Emmanuel E-booo-E - His greatest moment came when he succesfully completed a stunning 2-yard pass to Cesc

Wanna-Be's...

         A Wanna-Be... This is a term we hear a lot of times or possibly use it to refer to someone... But I've seen it misused a lot of times... A wanna-be is a guy who is aspiring to be something he is not... A guy who does all the things he does, not because that is how he operates, but just so that he can assume for himself a different persona...

          I've known guys, who at the outset, who appear like the best wanna-bes out there you can get... But they're not... For the simple reason they do what they do because they like it, they are not under the influence of someone or something... A recent example happened recently when a guy in my class dressed up wierdly, with a weird hairstyle & shitty accessories... It happened for quite a few instances and my class branded him a wanna-be... But whatever the guy did, he did it because he loved it... He loved to dress up like that because he wanted to stand out... He admired himself... That is the greatest thing u can do... Admire yourself... The guy, he is not influenced by any other guys... He just does it for himself... As long as u make urself happy, its great...

         I just wanna say that we should know who we brand wanna-be's... Not every weird character out there is a wanna-be... Wanna-Be's are bad cuz, they are not real... They are just impostors... 

         

Internet & Sms Language...

One of the things that really irritate me is the language used in Instant messaging & Sms'es... I mean short forms such as 'U' for 'You' and 'R' for 'Are' are understandable... But recently, I saw words like mah being used for my... I mean c'mon, Does mah even solve the purpose of a short form... Its mah for my... Ur actually increasing the length of the word... Some people use Moi... I mean wtf... Are u French ? Then why be so wanna-be-ish ???

Another irritating aspect is when people use alternate small & capital letters when they write for a creative aspect... It is bullshit... It takes time and I cant explain how, but its crap... HoW ArE yOu ?... LAME !

Sometimes, people write their names in a really funny way... They write DON as |) () |\|... Classic method... Unlimited disadvantages in typing this way...

1. Takes time to devise the language to write a simple word...
2. Unusual words, hence typing speed is reduced...
3. If u keep ur name as this you cant be found out, if someone wants to find u on a social networking site, using ur name...
4. People actually have to look carefully to make out what you've written...

Rather than all this, just write the language as it is meant to be - Simple... Save ur designing skills for other useful work & save ur friends a lot of inconvenience... Its a sureshot method to reach the pinnacle of wanna-be-ish-ness...

People are really ignorant on this issue... Internet chatting language is really downtrodden... The people are still abusing it and it can only get worse...

Introduction...

Hey there, Welcome to my blog... And no, its not my world... Its just a page... Here, I will just comment on the things I like & things I dont...

Let me tell you something about myself... I am an IT engineering student. I love PC games, Movies, Novels, Music, Football, etc... Nothin out of the box... But of the above, I've played a gargantuan number of games, I've seen unlimited movies, I've read novels ranging from a cheap tinkle to Ayn Rand's Fountainhead, from okayish Sidney Sheldons ( which I realized later ) to philosophies of Zen... In music, I've experimented almost all the genres that the field has to offer... I also follow Manchester United's footballing experiences like a true fan... You might not see me in a wedding, but you'll definitely not see me not seeing a United match...

Enough of boring you now... Let me end this introduction... Read further for my posts, though, right now I've no idea what I am gonna write about...